e
m
P
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Tried to take a picture; Of love
I wanna fill this new frame; But it's Empty
Henry, 21
12 January 1989
National University of Singapore, Nursing
He loves books,
his family
and his awesome life!
fan of: harry potter & helping others to the best of his abilities
I wanna fill this new frame; But it's Empty
{/profile --
Henry and Life
Henry, 21
12 January 1989
National University of Singapore, Nursing
He loves books,
his family
and his awesome life!
fan of: harry potter & helping others to the best of his abilities
Tried to write a letter; In ink
I've got a piece of paper; But it's Empty
As he put the finishing touches on his poster, his message tone rang from his phone.
This university life has really made me cast doubt on myself. YYY said after me apologising and clarifying some stuff,
What does this say about me? That i am a incapable good for nothing person. People like YYY, AY are still in events or activities, organising things, participating in stuff and yet performing reasonably well academically. Then how about he-thinks-he-is-so-damn-good Henry? Well, he not joining any activities, performing like crap in studies and basically screwing up everybody's life: his girlfriend, his family, his friends, his project group mates, the bus driver and basically everyone else, and he can't even participate in something as simple as a video shoot?! Omg seriously. How low can you get, Henry?
What is happening, seriously? How come all this shit is happening to me?
I need to just end my life or some shit, seriously.
There are like another 13304729837592634 things i want to type about. But i have no idea where to start, how to start and why to start. Because some things, over means over, i just don't want to keep bringing it up and cause myself more misery. My life is messed up enough. And now best, i need to wake up early tomorrow, and i haven't sleep yet. So that means i am just going to fall asleep in malaysia tomorrow and miss out on all the useful spiritual food. Just great.
I am really starting to feel like a loser now. No girl should ever like me.
"I think things are not working out."
I've got a piece of paper; But it's Empty
{/Henry Lamer and the Fairytale --
Saturday, February 25, 2012 ( 9:15 AM )
As he put the finishing touches on his poster, his message tone rang from his phone.
"Are you coming, or am i supposed to keep waiting?" says the message from her.
Smiling to himself, knowing that his surprise will definitely put a smile to her face, he packed his stationery, and walked towards her block, trying to find a suitable location to capture her attention.
He decided to stand across the road, right at a spot without any trees to block her view of him. He texted her, "Look out of the window towards the direction of the field." After that, he stretches out his poster to the side which says : I <3 You. The moment she looked out of her window, he waved the poster frantically. And after awhile, he switched it to the other side, which says : Pls forgive me.
Looking out from her window, he sees the silly boy coming up with another of his epic surprises. Despite all her disappointment with him, she bursts out laughing at his silliness. Then, she reached towards her phone and texted him, "I saw that you silly pug. Wait for me there." She quickly got dressed and rushes down the block and stood at the road just opposite him.
"I LOVE YOU PIG, PLEASE FORGIVE ME!", he shouted.
"I LOVE YOU TOO PUG, AND I FORGIVE YOU!", she shouted in reply.
He quickly dashes across the road and gave her a tight hug. Then, he reaches into his bag and took out two buns and said, "Sorry i made you missed your lunch, i bought these 2 buns for you. Sorry i couldnt buy anything else because i am only left with $2." He then gives his usual sad face.
"Awww you silly pug!" she exclaims, then pats his head like how she always does and gave him a tight hug.
"Shall we go for dinner now, pig?" he asked.
"Let's go pug!", replied the girl.
And they strode off towards the setting sun, with smiles on their faces.
The End.
That, never happened.
Nothing like that will ever happened. Because why? Because yours sincerely here is a noob piece of shit. How do you expect anything good to happen to a noob piece of shit? Nothing good ever happens. What happened? Shit happens.
I am so bad at this that sometimes i really don't know is there anything at all i can do. For some screwed up reason, i just cant make her happy. I just cant see from her point of view. i just can't understand how she feel. I just can't make her see from my point of view. I just CAN'T. STOP. MAKING. HER. UPSET!
WHY???!
Sadly, i do not know. Maybe because i haven't tried hard enough. Maybe i am just too plain stupid. Maybe i am just not boyfriend material. Or maybe it has something to do with her?
Sometimes i always think that if i do not have God's principles to guide me, would things have been any different? Would i have flared up at her and engaged in numerous shouting matches? Would i have walked away when i am so sure she don't see from my point of view? Would i have simply ignore her for as long as i dont wish to talk to her?
All that is hypothetical. Because it has never happened before, and will NEVER ever happened. Because that is not me. I will not swear, i will not shout, i will not argue and i will not raise my voice. But she still think i did. Or maybe i did, accidentally.
You just can't please everyone. I cannot explain myself when she is upset, i cannot say sorry because i have said it so many times. Then how? If i keep quiet, then i can't hold on to her over the phone.
I am not perfect. No where close. I can't expect her to be either, thats why i am never seriously upset with her. Because i know i have made many mistakes. And also because she said she needed time to change, so i give it to her. Even God gave Satan time to prove him wrong. But then again, i am not God, and she is definitely not Satan. But nonetheless, ya, i won't be extremely upset with her because i know it isn't fair to her. But does she see that? Does it mean that i don't get upset with anything means that the world is at peace with one another? It isn't. It's just my perspective of the world. I know that it is pointless to get angry or upset at things or let it affect me long term because all these are just temporary, it will go away. The better side of everybody will show somehow. That's why i don't get upset at her. Because i know she has a good side. A side i have always believed exist, and just waiting to be discovered.
Side track a bit, YYY just messaged just now. And it was epic. A perfect way to end my disastrous day.
Hi hen, this is random thought that just came to me while i was brushing my teeth. haha i don't know why i didn't bring it up just now when it was just the two of us walking to md6, i guess it wasn't the right time. When you asked me why i decided to step up to do conventus eventually, i didn't know what to say to you. I'm still miffed, rather hurt also, that you didn't tell me you were backing out of it and i only found out when i asked you why the pd post wasn't taken up by you yet(do you remember this convo, followed by a phonecall from you? haha). at that point i was concerned with why you didn't want it anymore. and then after that i was "huh, how come never tell me then back out". I thought that by inviting me to join you back then, you would have told me about your plans to back out if you did have any, i never got over this, but i did the wrong thing by not approaching you about it and harbouring this. weird sad feeling of feeling ditched. but no hard feelings because either group i would enjoy myselfLike woah, right? Like what on earth right? Something is seriously wrong with me man. The one thing i would really want to do right now is to go to somewhere, where there are no humans, but just me. Then i will find a bench and sit down there and think about what on earth is wrong with me. What have i done to cause unhappiness to people around me. Typing the previous line makes me very sad. I seem to be losing touch with life, when once, i thought i was the master of my own fate. But then again, we never was. God is the one that guide us. But saying that, shouldnt my life be more orderly now? Why is all this shit happening in my life? Is it because i am not fully following whatever God has encouraged us to do?
This university life has really made me cast doubt on myself. YYY said after me apologising and clarifying some stuff,
..... This is the last of our shizz no more already okay you retire
What does this say about me? That i am a incapable good for nothing person. People like YYY, AY are still in events or activities, organising things, participating in stuff and yet performing reasonably well academically. Then how about he-thinks-he-is-so-damn-good Henry? Well, he not joining any activities, performing like crap in studies and basically screwing up everybody's life: his girlfriend, his family, his friends, his project group mates, the bus driver and basically everyone else, and he can't even participate in something as simple as a video shoot?! Omg seriously. How low can you get, Henry?
What is happening, seriously? How come all this shit is happening to me?
I need to just end my life or some shit, seriously.
There are like another 13304729837592634 things i want to type about. But i have no idea where to start, how to start and why to start. Because some things, over means over, i just don't want to keep bringing it up and cause myself more misery. My life is messed up enough. And now best, i need to wake up early tomorrow, and i haven't sleep yet. So that means i am just going to fall asleep in malaysia tomorrow and miss out on all the useful spiritual food. Just great.
I am really starting to feel like a loser now. No girl should ever like me.
{/Henry Lamer and the Last Words --
Wednesday, February 08, 2012 ( 1:57 AM )
"I think things are not working out."
There is no good way to break up. Or at least, i don't know that it exist. I am here because there is no one i can turn to, or i should say no one i feel like turning to. Because how i feel cannot be expressed verbally. Some things are very hard to put across.
Even now, i don't have any idea how to express myself. So i shall just type whatever i feel.
This feeling sucks. I know it's my fault. I know its my decision. Her words sting. The truth hurts. There is no other way. It had to be done. It sounds like an excuse, but it will benefit her in the long run. I am bringing her towards the wrong direction, but not spiritually. I am not a good boyfriend, i will never be one. Because there are certain aspects of me that is very hard to change and will always be irritating her. I condemn myself even though she didn't.
I know this sounds bloody fake, but, its really for you. Because i know that if this carries on, i might get more frustrated more often, meaning i might do more of the things that you dun like, like explaining myself and everything. And one day, i just might explode at you. Which is the last thing i want to do to you. I will never want to shout at you or vent my anger on you. I cannot let them happen.
And you are losing your independence because my ineptness in helping you to gain it back. Me being unwilling to be more selfish and let you down that path. I am not boasting at how selfless i am. Its not. Its just that i am too weak to be firm when i need to and be insistent when i have to.
I am weak.
Do i believe in our relationship? Yes, i do, with all my heart, from the beginning. I have my doubts at some point of time. But i have never gave up, i kept trying, until now. I am so tired.
This feeling sucks. Having to leave someone behind even though the person is the only person in the world whom you love so much and whom have done so much for you. You forgiving my sins, you accepting my beliefs, you bearing with my nonsensical jokes and you being always there for me makes my decision so much harder to make and even harder to stick with it. It's not easy, even though i know it seems to you its the easy way out for me.
How your words hurt, but it doesn't matter, coz i have hurt you too. Yes, i did not discuss this with you. But i know, there will never be an outcome to our discussion. And my heart will just soften and things will stay the same. But i can't do that. Because i am selfish. Because i am egoisitic. Because i believe what i have done will be right for you. Not now. but in the future. And i pray hard that what i have done is the right thing to do.
My heart aches. Really. But i have to be firm this time. You are a strong girl, you will come out from this even stronger, and tougher. And one day, the real true guy, will soften your heart, and take the place where he belongs, in your life.
My dearest, you changed my life. In more ways then you can imagine. If there is ever a promise that i will definitely keep, its that there will never be another after you. Because some things are irreplaceable.
Goodbye, my dearest. I will miss you dearly...
With love,
Pug...
If we; Should be getting under
These sheets; We could lie in this bed; But it's Empty
These sheets; We could lie in this bed; But it's Empty
{/tagboard --
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Trying too hard; Maybe we're torn apart
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Is beating our hearts; We're Empty
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How you live, point of grace
Is beating our hearts; We're Empty
{/miscellaneous --
my virtual barang
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How you live, point of grace