e
m
P
t
Y
Tried to take a picture; Of love
I wanna fill this new frame; But it's Empty
Henry, 21
12 January 1989
National University of Singapore, Nursing
He loves books,
his family
and his awesome life!
fan of: harry potter & helping others to the best of his abilities
I wanna fill this new frame; But it's Empty
{/profile --
Henry and Life
Henry, 21
12 January 1989
National University of Singapore, Nursing
He loves books,
his family
and his awesome life!
fan of: harry potter & helping others to the best of his abilities
Tried to write a letter; In ink
I've got a piece of paper; But it's Empty
If i were a plant, i will be a cactus: Thorny and intimidating on the outside, soft and approachable inside.
Nobody will ever know.
Nobody will ever fucking know.
Swearing to my heart's content here. God knows, and i know he is very disappointed in me right now. But then again, he has been disappointed in me so many times. Countless times.
Did i ever see myself like this in the past? No, i would never have expected the me now to exist. It's sad, but this me now exist. Right before my very own eyes.
You know what? Ya its about me. It's always been about fucking egoistic me. It has been, it always will be. To you, i am always the one trying to make myself feel better, make things better for me, do things for myself, for my own fucking benefit. You will never see for example, how i am constantly in my own house, preparing myself to call you or go over to your place any possible moment. You will never see how, i have to constantly remind myself, to sms a good morning msg in the morning regardless of how tired i am. You will never see how, no matter how unwilling i am, to send you back late at night even though i know i will incur my parents' anger, or call you every night, or sms you constantly, or walk around my house in my pocket just that i wud not upset you. You will never know.
Are all those things about me? I guess they are. Some how, it will always end up to be about me.
Do i not recognise what you have done for me? I do. Do i not think its enough? I do. I always do.
But you don't tell me things like what we can work it out together, or that we can help each other to change, WHEN YOU CONSTANTLY KEEP HARPING ON ALL MY FUCKING FLAWS AND PAST HISTORY!!!!
HOW THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSE TO HELP ME??? HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSE TO CHANGE WHEN YOU KEEP BRING PROBLEMS UP ABOUT ME AND STUPID GIRLS??!
I ran after a girl during lab? Who was the one who tell me that i was late and that the teacher was going to lock the door? You are tired of constantly putting me first and not yourself? Since when a relationship is about one person only? So you just happily decide to put urself first and still expect to spend as much time as me but yet don't want me to say anything or do anything for myself? You really think that is humanistically possible? Do i look like Superman to you? Even superman can't do that!
I really don't know what else can i do to give this relationship a good try. I have to give up my spiritual progress, the most important thing to me in the world for you. And you don't recognise that, do you? To you, it's nothing much, isnt it? It's just a stupid religion.
Ya, i know you have never stopped me from going to a meeting. I know you have never stop me from going to malaysia. I know how you have tried to stand up for me in front of friends when they mock my religion. And i really appreciate that. Thats why i don't bring up any of your flaws.
But when you keep saying me things, it brings out the side of me to want to defend myself! And that's why i keep having to argue with you. Why can't we just settle things peacefully? Why can we NEVER EVER settle things peacefully and nicely without kicking up a big fuss? Ya, you controled your temper for me, i appreciate that! But why can't you see that i am human too! I have a temper too!! So does this mean you are taking my good temper forgranted, thinking that i have no temper so you can say anything you want??
What do you want from me???? Do you wan me to just stick by your side forever???! I have quit so many things just for you, can't you just for god's sake appreciate it????!! I really feel like crying right now...
Oh God, please forgive me.. I don't know what i have done.....
I think sometimes some thing never change...
Maybe that's why i am always single...
Do you feel that at certain times while you are growing up, you will go into this philosophical mode, and suddenly, you start reflecting on your life: on what you have done, on what you haven't, on decisions you have made, on regrets you have in life etc. Then slowly, you come to realise that there are certain things you should have done, certain things you shouldn't have blah blah blah.. You get the point.
Have you ever, at any one point of your life, felt that some thing is missing? Broken? How do you find it back? Or mend it back?
Or in fact, can it even be fixed back or found again? Or is it destined to remain missing?
Some thing went missing, or broken, during this relationship of ours. I cannot really figure out what is it. Is it something from our relationship? Or is it something within me?
Maybe i lost myself. Somewhere.
Walking.
An activity that almost everyone with legs can do.
An activity that i enjoy.
Today, i realise walking on the streets alone, listening to my music is such an enjoyable activity. Why? You may ask.
Because i realise that is the only time in your life where you have no roles to play, no responsibilities to fulfil. You can truly be yourself. You walk fast, you can walk slow. You can walk with big steps, you can walk with small ones. You can swing your hands greatly, you can swing your hands just a little. Nobody knows you, so it really doesnt matter how you walk.
When you walk alone, you are not a son, not a friend, not a boyfriend, not a student, not a mentor, not anything. Zero. Nothing. No roles. That sounds good, isn't it? =)
How often in life do you get to experience this sort of feeling? Freedom, as it is. The purest form. When Man was first made, we already know how to walk. It is the mode of transportation with the longest history!
I feel so much at ease when i walk. Because i know i can be myself.
Thank you.
Thank you for the love. The constant love and attention showered on me. I really appreciate it. Every bit of it.
Thank you for the care and concern. The urgency in your voice when you found out that i am not feeling well. The urgency in your actions to buy for me medication, bandages, good food and everything else just to make sure i will be comfortable.
Thank you for the fun and joy. Your cute face, your cute actions and your endless cute expressions never fail to make me smile and wanting to squish your cheeks. =)
Thank you for the forgiveness. For forgiving me time and again for doing the unspeakable. For forgiving my stupidity and insensitivity.
Thank you for the patience and understanding. For always willing to explain things time and time again, and sometimes even explaining the same things, just because i am too dumb to understand certain things. And for understanding my beliefs, my habits and my weird behaviours.
Thank you for the appreciation. For laughing at my jokes, for understanding my point of views when no one else does. For listening to my big theories when there is no one else there to understand.
Thank you, pig.
Thank you for everything.
I've got a piece of paper; But it's Empty
{/Henry Lamer and the 2 Wrongs --
Saturday, October 20, 2012 ( 10:29 AM )
If i were a plant, i will be a cactus: Thorny and intimidating on the outside, soft and approachable inside.
I think it will seem like to you that everything i am doing right now is for myself, is for my benefit, is to hurt you, is to be selfish.
It seems like i am heartless, putting myself first, and disregarding everything that you feel, all your hurt.
It seems like i cant even do something as simple as giving you what you want after you having to give me everything that i want.
If only things were this simple.
Do you know how much it hurts me to see you like this?
Do you know how much it hurts me to see you struggling with your headache, dozing off while standing up on the train, and i can't even put an arm around your shoulder?
Do you know how it hurts me too when i see the other happy couples in our class having fun while we are no longer together?
Do you know how hard it is to walk away from you, leaving you to go home so late by yourself?
It sucks, you know. It really does.
But i have to harden my resolve to do it. I have to. Not for me, but for you.
You do not share the same belief as me, so i would never have expected you to shower me with appreciation for what i am doing. So i know you will be hurt. But i do not have a choice.
Believe me, if there is any other way, any at all, i would do it, without any bit of hesitation.
But right now, there is only one way. Yes, God's way. =(
And i know that as long as i do things His way, i will be able to help you too.
I will keep praying hard for you, and hope that we will be together again.
I have seen your heart of gold, i know you will make a good Christian. And if i want to wish for the best things to happen to you, it would be hoping that you share the same relationship with God as i do. I really don't know how else to tell you, but the truth can only be found by yourself. And i really really hope that it will be sooner rather than later. =(
The day i fear the most is coming. The day i fear you leaving me and thinking that i am the worst person to be with is coming.
And i have to go through it. It is necessary.
For you, for us.
{/Henry Lamer and the Unforeseen Future --
Monday, October 15, 2012 ( 7:39 AM )
Right now, there are only two things in the world that i want:
1) A JW come knock on your door and you willing to study with her.
2) The world ends, then you will realise all i said is true...
{/Henry Lamer and The Tales of the Unknown --
Sunday, October 07, 2012 ( 9:31 AM )
Nobody will ever know.
Nobody will ever fucking know.
Swearing to my heart's content here. God knows, and i know he is very disappointed in me right now. But then again, he has been disappointed in me so many times. Countless times.
Did i ever see myself like this in the past? No, i would never have expected the me now to exist. It's sad, but this me now exist. Right before my very own eyes.
You know what? Ya its about me. It's always been about fucking egoistic me. It has been, it always will be. To you, i am always the one trying to make myself feel better, make things better for me, do things for myself, for my own fucking benefit. You will never see for example, how i am constantly in my own house, preparing myself to call you or go over to your place any possible moment. You will never see how, i have to constantly remind myself, to sms a good morning msg in the morning regardless of how tired i am. You will never see how, no matter how unwilling i am, to send you back late at night even though i know i will incur my parents' anger, or call you every night, or sms you constantly, or walk around my house in my pocket just that i wud not upset you. You will never know.
Are all those things about me? I guess they are. Some how, it will always end up to be about me.
Do i not recognise what you have done for me? I do. Do i not think its enough? I do. I always do.
But you don't tell me things like what we can work it out together, or that we can help each other to change, WHEN YOU CONSTANTLY KEEP HARPING ON ALL MY FUCKING FLAWS AND PAST HISTORY!!!!
HOW THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSE TO HELP ME??? HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSE TO CHANGE WHEN YOU KEEP BRING PROBLEMS UP ABOUT ME AND STUPID GIRLS??!
I ran after a girl during lab? Who was the one who tell me that i was late and that the teacher was going to lock the door? You are tired of constantly putting me first and not yourself? Since when a relationship is about one person only? So you just happily decide to put urself first and still expect to spend as much time as me but yet don't want me to say anything or do anything for myself? You really think that is humanistically possible? Do i look like Superman to you? Even superman can't do that!
I really don't know what else can i do to give this relationship a good try. I have to give up my spiritual progress, the most important thing to me in the world for you. And you don't recognise that, do you? To you, it's nothing much, isnt it? It's just a stupid religion.
Ya, i know you have never stopped me from going to a meeting. I know you have never stop me from going to malaysia. I know how you have tried to stand up for me in front of friends when they mock my religion. And i really appreciate that. Thats why i don't bring up any of your flaws.
But when you keep saying me things, it brings out the side of me to want to defend myself! And that's why i keep having to argue with you. Why can't we just settle things peacefully? Why can we NEVER EVER settle things peacefully and nicely without kicking up a big fuss? Ya, you controled your temper for me, i appreciate that! But why can't you see that i am human too! I have a temper too!! So does this mean you are taking my good temper forgranted, thinking that i have no temper so you can say anything you want??
What do you want from me???? Do you wan me to just stick by your side forever???! I have quit so many things just for you, can't you just for god's sake appreciate it????!! I really feel like crying right now...
Oh God, please forgive me.. I don't know what i have done.....
{/Henry Lamer and the Never-changing Truth --
Friday, October 05, 2012 ( 6:12 AM )
I think sometimes some thing never change...
Maybe that's why i am always single...
{/Henry Lamer and His Ranting --
Thursday, September 20, 2012 ( 12:02 PM )
Do you feel that at certain times while you are growing up, you will go into this philosophical mode, and suddenly, you start reflecting on your life: on what you have done, on what you haven't, on decisions you have made, on regrets you have in life etc. Then slowly, you come to realise that there are certain things you should have done, certain things you shouldn't have blah blah blah.. You get the point.
But ultimately, or most importantly, you move on. Because you just have to. Life doesn't wait for you to sit down, tie your shoelaces, check yourself out in the mirror then move on with you. Sorry man, that doesn't happen. You just have to quickly dust yourself off, and run after Life. Coz he ain't gonna wait for you man. Hahahaha.. Laughing at my own version of comical english. =p
Well well, life has been pretty epic now. I think that the difference between me now and me then is that my life goals are different. Religion has started to take a central role in my life of that. And i am really happy it's like that. Because i can feel the difference God has made in my life.
But yet there are some things in life i want changed. Like my procrastination. Wa like seriously, year 3, half of sem 1 gone, its time to make a difference Henry Kong. Don't waste your uni life like that. Seriously. Make a push for the summit, who knows how near u might get right? =)
I guess i was feeling a bit of doubt yesterday. Like i really wonder sometimes is it simply because there is a lack of effort on my part, or a lack of brain matter? Like sometimes i look at my other classmates, seemingly putting in less effort than me for class, don't even attend class, but yet they do better than me in studies. Why? Like am i stupider than them or what?
Ooops, its kinda late now. Gotta go sleep now. Bye world! =D
{/Henry Lamer and the Unforeeable Resurrection --
Friday, April 13, 2012 ( 11:00 AM )
Have you ever, at any one point of your life, felt that some thing is missing? Broken? How do you find it back? Or mend it back?
Or in fact, can it even be fixed back or found again? Or is it destined to remain missing?
Some thing went missing, or broken, during this relationship of ours. I cannot really figure out what is it. Is it something from our relationship? Or is it something within me?
Maybe i lost myself. Somewhere.
{/Henry Lamer and the Walk of Life --
( 11:00 AM )
Walking.
An activity that almost everyone with legs can do.
An activity that i enjoy.
Today, i realise walking on the streets alone, listening to my music is such an enjoyable activity. Why? You may ask.
Because i realise that is the only time in your life where you have no roles to play, no responsibilities to fulfil. You can truly be yourself. You walk fast, you can walk slow. You can walk with big steps, you can walk with small ones. You can swing your hands greatly, you can swing your hands just a little. Nobody knows you, so it really doesnt matter how you walk.
When you walk alone, you are not a son, not a friend, not a boyfriend, not a student, not a mentor, not anything. Zero. Nothing. No roles. That sounds good, isn't it? =)
How often in life do you get to experience this sort of feeling? Freedom, as it is. The purest form. When Man was first made, we already know how to walk. It is the mode of transportation with the longest history!
I feel so much at ease when i walk. Because i know i can be myself.
{/Henry Lamer and the Eternal Gratitude --
Monday, March 12, 2012 ( 9:48 AM )
Thank you.
Thank you for the love. The constant love and attention showered on me. I really appreciate it. Every bit of it.
Thank you for the care and concern. The urgency in your voice when you found out that i am not feeling well. The urgency in your actions to buy for me medication, bandages, good food and everything else just to make sure i will be comfortable.
Thank you for the fun and joy. Your cute face, your cute actions and your endless cute expressions never fail to make me smile and wanting to squish your cheeks. =)
Thank you for the forgiveness. For forgiving me time and again for doing the unspeakable. For forgiving my stupidity and insensitivity.
Thank you for the patience and understanding. For always willing to explain things time and time again, and sometimes even explaining the same things, just because i am too dumb to understand certain things. And for understanding my beliefs, my habits and my weird behaviours.
Thank you for the appreciation. For laughing at my jokes, for understanding my point of views when no one else does. For listening to my big theories when there is no one else there to understand.
Thank you, pig.
Thank you for everything.
If we; Should be getting under
These sheets; We could lie in this bed; But it's Empty
These sheets; We could lie in this bed; But it's Empty
{/tagboard --
i think they call it freedom of speech
Maybe we're trying
Trying too hard; Maybe we're torn apart
Arsenal
Cally
Chin Ping
Carine
Chen Hui
Darren
Derek
Esther
Grace
Janice
Jia Jie
Li Xian
Mattea
Ning Xin
Rachael
See Hua
Shi Yi
Vanessa
Wei Ting
Xiu Ling
Yvonne
NYODAC
04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004
05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004
06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004
07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004
09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004
12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005
04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005
05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005
06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005
07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005
09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005
11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005
12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006
01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006
02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006
03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006
04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006
05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006
07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006
08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006
09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006
10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006
11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006
12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007
01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007
02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007
03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007
04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007
05/01/2007 - 06/01/2007
06/01/2007 - 07/01/2007
07/01/2007 - 08/01/2007
09/01/2007 - 10/01/2007
11/01/2007 - 12/01/2007
12/01/2007 - 01/01/2008
01/01/2008 - 02/01/2008
02/01/2008 - 03/01/2008
03/01/2008 - 04/01/2008
04/01/2008 - 05/01/2008
05/01/2008 - 06/01/2008
06/01/2008 - 07/01/2008
07/01/2008 - 08/01/2008
08/01/2008 - 09/01/2008
09/01/2008 - 10/01/2008
10/01/2008 - 11/01/2008
12/01/2008 - 01/01/2009
01/01/2009 - 02/01/2009
02/01/2009 - 03/01/2009
03/01/2009 - 04/01/2009
04/01/2009 - 05/01/2009
05/01/2009 - 06/01/2009
06/01/2009 - 07/01/2009
07/01/2009 - 08/01/2009
09/01/2009 - 10/01/2009
10/01/2009 - 11/01/2009
11/01/2009 - 12/01/2009
12/01/2009 - 01/01/2010
01/01/2010 - 02/01/2010
03/01/2010 - 04/01/2010
06/01/2010 - 07/01/2010
11/01/2010 - 12/01/2010
12/01/2010 - 01/01/2011
04/01/2011 - 05/01/2011
05/01/2011 - 06/01/2011
07/01/2011 - 08/01/2011
12/01/2011 - 01/01/2012
02/01/2012 - 03/01/2012
03/01/2012 - 04/01/2012
04/01/2012 - 05/01/2012
09/01/2012 - 10/01/2012
10/01/2012 - 11/01/2012
designer DancingSheep
Trying too hard; Maybe we're torn apart
{/links --
ctrl + left click
Arsenal
Cally
Chin Ping
Carine
Chen Hui
Darren
Derek
Esther
Grace
Janice
Jia Jie
Li Xian
Mattea
Ning Xin
Rachael
See Hua
Shi Yi
Vanessa
Wei Ting
Xiu Ling
Yvonne
NYODAC
{/archives --
Life passes on, but memories will always stay
04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004
05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004
06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004
07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004
09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004
12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005
04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005
05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005
06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005
07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005
09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005
11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005
12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006
01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006
02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006
03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006
04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006
05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006
07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006
08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006
09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006
10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006
11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006
12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007
01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007
02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007
03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007
04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007
05/01/2007 - 06/01/2007
06/01/2007 - 07/01/2007
07/01/2007 - 08/01/2007
09/01/2007 - 10/01/2007
11/01/2007 - 12/01/2007
12/01/2007 - 01/01/2008
01/01/2008 - 02/01/2008
02/01/2008 - 03/01/2008
03/01/2008 - 04/01/2008
04/01/2008 - 05/01/2008
05/01/2008 - 06/01/2008
06/01/2008 - 07/01/2008
07/01/2008 - 08/01/2008
08/01/2008 - 09/01/2008
09/01/2008 - 10/01/2008
10/01/2008 - 11/01/2008
12/01/2008 - 01/01/2009
01/01/2009 - 02/01/2009
02/01/2009 - 03/01/2009
03/01/2009 - 04/01/2009
04/01/2009 - 05/01/2009
05/01/2009 - 06/01/2009
06/01/2009 - 07/01/2009
07/01/2009 - 08/01/2009
09/01/2009 - 10/01/2009
10/01/2009 - 11/01/2009
11/01/2009 - 12/01/2009
12/01/2009 - 01/01/2010
01/01/2010 - 02/01/2010
03/01/2010 - 04/01/2010
06/01/2010 - 07/01/2010
11/01/2010 - 12/01/2010
12/01/2010 - 01/01/2011
04/01/2011 - 05/01/2011
05/01/2011 - 06/01/2011
07/01/2011 - 08/01/2011
12/01/2011 - 01/01/2012
02/01/2012 - 03/01/2012
03/01/2012 - 04/01/2012
04/01/2012 - 05/01/2012
09/01/2012 - 10/01/2012
10/01/2012 - 11/01/2012
{/credits --
designer DancingSheep
Maybe the timing
Is beating our hearts; We're Empty
now playing
How you live, point of grace
Is beating our hearts; We're Empty
{/miscellaneous --
my virtual barang
now playing
How you live, point of grace